Wow, I am lost for words right now. I just thank God for his awesomeness, and wondrous works. I stayed up late this morning and was recognizant of how God had kept me. You all know I met this guy in my class, and we had started spending time together, and his attractive appearance was getting the best of my flesh. I was praying for the Lord to keep me and how I really needed his Spirit to lead, guide, and direct me. After this guy clearly asked me out (to be his girlfriend), I rejected him because I knew that he was not for me. I told him we could be friends, but despite my request I still was contemplating on whether we should chill and hang out because male and females can be friends, but going out together can be tempting. So, I texted him on Friday and asked him did he want to hang out, but it was getting late, all the more tempting. Being out late in the dark with a man who is not your spouse unless he is a male relative is an open field for temptation. However, we took a rain check and said we would meet up the next day. I texted him about bowling on campus, but he never responded. So, I took it as he must not really want to hang with me after I rejected his boyfriend offer. I dropped it, but was a little disappointed because I don’t have many friends where I live now.
Even in the midst of this I received it as a sign from God that he was blocking it, so I begin to praise God because I had a feeling within not to go and hang out with him. Then, later on in the day I read a Facebook post that said God keeps us, even when we don’t want to be kept…that’s love. I was encouraged, and journaled about it. So, early this morning about 3:00 am, after I journaled, I was about to lay my head down to rest, and my mouth begin to move and whisper in an unknown language. I just begin to thank God, but was praying too. I was afraid I was playing with God, but He let me know it was not me, but him. I was a little afraid, but I just kept praising God,( while laying in bed on my side) and the next thing I know I am speaking in tongues with audible sound. I heard myself speaking, but it was not scary. It was just amazing. God was filling me with his Spirit, and I had my mind set on getting shut eye, but when he was filling me my sleep no longer mattered. All the lies Satan planted in my mind that had caused me to be afraid of the Holy Ghost speaking through me, were gone. It was not scary and it was easy. I just had to believe that it was done, and accept that God had already saved me, even though I had not spoken in tongues yet. I was laughing and amazed at God because he saved me on Palm Sunday and April Fool’s Day, but this was no joke. My brother’s spiritual birthday is on Resurrection (Easter) Sunday, so I was like what is it God about April, and my mother’s birthday is today. God is awesome, so she got an amazing birthday present knowing that all her children are saved. I thank God for the baptism of his Spirit, but I know he has not saved me just to speak in tongues, shout, roll, and whatever else, but there is a work he has and I must do his will. So, I know this is only the beginning, and I never ever want to feel like I have made it, but we go from faith to faith, glory to glory.
For those still seeking to be filled with the Holy Ghost, I just encourage you to please don’t give up. God see’s your crying and he knows it all, even the words we cannot say. He understands. You just keep praying, praising, fasting, and turn your desires to the Lord. Focus your attention on him and put other things aside. Pray that he helps you because you cannot do it in your own. A lot of times I felt that I would not make it or be saved. Satan tried all kinds of mess, even wicked thoughts towards the Lord and tried to shame me in believing I had blasphemed God, when in fact they were demonic thoughts being thrown my way (plead the blood and rebuke these thoughts if they come). He wanted to keep me in shame, but God has set me free. So, when every doubtful thought or contrary way comes in pray, read, and meditate on the word of God that speaks life and truth to that lie sent from the enemy. Rejoice in the hope of Christ. Many times I felt hopeless, but God did it for me and he can do it for you just make it up in your mind I’m believing you God no matter what. You might even be struggling in the belief of speaking in tongues, but it is real and God is so real too. Be Blessed, and keep me lifted in prayer that I do God’s will and be what he wants me to be.