30 Years of Marriage…Still in Love

This month, my parents celebrated 30 years of marriage. Amazing, right? Based upon what we hear and see on television, you might think being married that long is unrealistic, but my parents are living proof that sticking it out is possible. I assume that most people want the same, but it sort of seems like people are getting married with the option of divorce sticking out in the back of their minds. It is as if marriage is a joke and something that you just do. I believe every human wants to be loved and accepted for who they are, but we have been misled and going about acceptance in the wrong ways. Recently, in one of my classes we begin to talk about relationships and many of my peers have unfortunately never seen a successful relationship. I think this tragedy is occurring in many homes and it’s destroying the family system. Believe it or not, the enemy is on a mission to destroy the family structure and challenge what God has ordained as holy matrimony.

It seems like I see more and more single parent homes or hear of someone cheating on their spouse, and signing divorce papers. People are growing up in broken families and do not have good examples to follow of what a healthy relationship should be like. Every relationship is different, but due to my faith in Jesus I believe things are crumbling in people’s relationships simply because we are not doing it his way. As earlier stated, I believe every person wants to be loved and accepted, but when we rely on people for that acceptance we place ourselves up for failure because everybody is not going to love or accept us. Our true love and acceptance comes from the Father. God is love. Love completes us, so whether people accept us or not we can rest in his security.His way is perfect and although our way seems correct it leads to destruction.

Most of what we see on television is lust and that is why it does not last. Hence, shows like “The Bachelor/Bachelorette”. Love is not self-seeking, but about giving more than your lips and what is between your hips. When I hear of most relationships, and these are the one’s before marriage, people are being physical. It is very easy to become attached to someone if you are kissing,rubbing, feeling, or swirling and twirling. Why? Because it feels good, but that does not make it good. As children of God, we have to flee youthful lusts and fornication. You may say, “Now, that is impossible and absurd”, but it is neither. It is only by the grace of God through the power of the Holy Ghost to help us flee the most tempting temptations. With every temptation there is a way of escape. God is keeping me and he can do the same for you.

Personally, I do not believe in casual dating(dating to have fun), premarital sex, or cohabitation. Based upon observation, I see many couples entering the realm of physicality prematurely, while neglecting to strengthen the lines of communication and make sole commitment to one another. As a result, I see people getting hurt. I think communication should precede being physical because I can get gratification by being physical, but after that gets old and I try to talk to you, then find out there is a disconnection in communication, what do we have left? I know nothing about you or what you stand for through us lip locking or swirling and twirling. All I know is that it feels good, but we need more than the feel goods. My body might feel good, but what if he is a dream crusher, verbal abuser,user, or better yet just not the right guy for me. Now, I am left with the fact that I just gave him nearly my all and I am left with no return in my investment, but a broken heart.  I would rather strengthen the lines of communication with a person to see where we stand, our goals, beliefs, hopes, dreams, ideas, and in depth stuff that does not involve superficiality, but real talk. I mean honest talk too. I want to be upfront with whomever I date and tell them about the good, bad, and the ugly because it is only a matter of time before it begins to manifest. Even after we have established strong lines of communication I still do not want to be physical unless we have committed to a lifetime of faithfulness and loyalty to each other through marriage. Above all, I want our lines of communication to be strong with the Lord because he will tell us whether or not this relationship is in his plan.

Now, you may think this is complete rubbish, but I am convinced God’s way is the best way.  If and when I date it will only be for the purpose of pursuit in marriage. Now, do not misunderstand me. I am not saying the next man I date will and must be my husband. No, I mean what I say when dating is for a potential lifetime soul mate, which is serious business. That is one reason why I am not dating now. See, when I said “lifetime”? That means forever, until death and despite my feelings I like my single life! In class discussion, my peers talked about backup plans for if their marriage failed. Why would one need a backup plan? I understand life is not like Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, but I feel like either both parties are going to each put forth 100% or nothing at all. There are a lot of hurt people out here, whether from let downs in past relationships, through observation, or personal life experiences. So, the back up plan is really by means to protect oneself from getting hurt, but that is the scary, yet most wonderful part about love, vulnerability. Unfortunately, many of us have allowed ourselves to be vulnerable, but the person crushed our hearts in return. So, we may end up comparing future relationships with the pain of our past. If two people are in a relationship with the fear of it ending in divorce before marriage, then maybe they should stay single or get healed from that before saying “I do.”

Currently, I am reading Before You Do by Bishop T.D Jakes. Based upon what I have read so far it is a pretty good read. The book is about making great decisions, but it is centered around relationships. It causes you to think beyond the smiles and goo goo eyes exchanged over fine dining. It also gives you many questions and research concerning yourself and your love. In the past few years, I have learned a lot about the seriousness of marriage. Before, in my teenage years, I was caught up in the magic and glamour of walking down the aisle in a most beautiful gown, expensive wedding, reception, and of course the honeymoon. However, now, I see marriage as a very serious matter. Although I am a “hopeful” (not a hopeless lol) romantic, what happens after the romance? As a single, I have no major attachments, but as a wife I would have duties. For example, as a single if I wanted to go away out of town for the weekend I would not have to answer to anyone, but just jump in the car and go. However, as a wife I would have to consult my husband and see if he wanted to go out of town. The only way I could probably go by myself is if it was for work, girlfriend’s getaway, or a women’s retreat/conference. As a married woman I would have new responsibilities and accountabilities to my husband. A single person makes single decisions, but a married person makes decisions with their spouse. Honestly, I am not ready for that. The lonely bug bites, but I would rather wait on God until the time is right than enter into a relationship that will waste my time or worst of all destroy my relationship with my first love.

What’s on Your Mind: So, tell me what is your take on love, relationships, marriage, etc.?


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