I hope you are having a lovely Valentine’s Day whether you are single, dating, or married. Regardless of your relationship status you are special and loved. I thought it was necessary for me to give some commentary on “I wanted him to like me” because it is close to my heart and come on who doesn’t want to be loved or liked. In addition, the tone of the poem is hopeful, yet somewhat dreary, so the purpose of this commentary is to shine some light on this piece. I want to be brief on this matter, but I will warn you that it may take some time to get everything out. Therefore, if you would be so kind, please bear with me a little longer.
I believe we all have the desire to be loved and the capability to love. From childhood throughout our lifetime, rewards, and praise become our incentives. The “thanks you’s” and the “ you’re awesome’s” give us a boost. It can mean I am doing something right or I am not so bad after all, but what happens when the accolades cease and we receive fewer pats on the back or as in the poem the people you really like do not like you in return. It can become discouraging to our self-esteem making us feel unworthy of getting the best out of life. There is nothing wrong with the desire for love. God gave us the desire, therefore it is good. In fact, He is love! Our desire for love is twisted when we put our entire dependence,trust, and self-worth in the hands of imperfect individuals such as ourselves.
Low self-esteem is a personal battle. It is a terrible state of mind. I remember the days I would wallow in self-pity and have pity parties all day, which I now loathe. Recently, and over the past few years, I have discovered my motives for some of my actions and the discoveries are shocking! This poem reveals an ugly struggle with feelings of worthlessness and uselessness. The worst part is I believed I had little to no value. I determined my value by my relationship status and the approval of men. Remember, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be loved because that’s human nature, but I highly regarded certain people’s opinions of me more than God’s approval of me. I did not believe I was pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough and flat out good enough for anything or anybody to love or want me based on my experiences of rejection. Some things we desire in general are not bad such as a good education, successful career, or nice possessions, but if we check our true motives and reasoning behind reaching certain goals it might blow our minds. Sometimes the things we chase so hard after leave us feeling more empty because you wonder if all your chasing was in vain. I got those new shoes I was dying to have, but now they sit in my closet with the rest of the shoes I just really had to have. After while, some of my desires become like stuff in my closet. It gets old and I get tired of looking at it, yet the cycle continues. People say live for yourself, but was I really living for myself? No. I wanted to please people even if it meant denying my identity for the sake of being accepted. There was no peace in that. I realize that I’m not truly living until I die to pleasing people. I had to ask myself was I living for God or for the love and acceptance of people. Living for me meant living for the approval of people, so I was not living for God. The deficiency came in my thinking higher of people’s thoughts of me more than God’s thoughts toward me.
When God begins to show you who you are it’s not pretty. I lived for the love and approval of man, and for me that approval literally means men. Some of us could care less about what others think, while some people like me have defined their value by compliments, gazes, and the praise of individuals. I speak from a woman’s perspective and this is something I believe many ladies struggle with, but I would be naïve to believe men do not experience the same battle. So the real question is why did I want him to like me? I wanted him to like me because it would prove all of my beliefs to be wrong about me not being good enough. I built my hopes in his approval of me. I wanted to please him and make him happy. I made him my Lord. Lord over my self-worth. Lord over who I was and should be. I placed his attractiveness above my own, as if he was the latest accessory. He was going to be my trophy to flaunt and give me the value I perceived within myself not to have. Sad, right? The great thing about this is I am no longer that person.
You ask what’s the point of this commentary? The purpose of this commentary is to help those of you are at this place of low-self esteem. This is a love letter to you. Don’t depend on the validation of people to define who you are. The reason why is because people fail us all the time whether they want to or not. We fail because we are imperfect individuals. You are beautiful and special regardless of if your boo or baby says you are. You have the power to speak life or death over your life. Look in the mirror and speak the word, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I was made in God’s image and his likeness. I was made to bring Him glory.” Our security in peoples words about us is unstable because we give them power to speak life or death over us. Do not give anyone that power over you! If someone has spoken death into your life, then I dare you to reverse it by speaking the opposite. Speak life! I am not saying what people say does not affect us or hurt us, but I am saying you have a choice to receive it or dismiss it. If someone told you that nobody will ever love you, then speak over your life somebody loves me and I am loved.
I leave you with these following words of life that helped change my perspective of myself:
“But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.” (Matt. 10:30-31)